How to Carve a Sharkmelon

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I always thought it would be an earthquake that would be the end of Los Angeles. Or a meteor shower. Zombies even. Black plague. Aliens. But sharks? Come on!

If you aren’t familiar with Sharknado, it’s the made-for-TV movie about sharks that get caught in a hurricane and rain down terror on an unsuspecting L.A. I’ll be the first to admit this isn’t Citizen Kane, but if you enjoy so-bad-it’s-good movies along the lines of Snakes on a Plane, then you’ll probably like Sharknado. And if you don’t have a fine appreciation for the kind of movie that you drink to, then clearly you have misplaced priorities. 😉

After attaining cult fame and viral popularity, the SyFy channel wisely decided to make a sequel, called Sharknado 2: The Second One. This time, the sharknado would be hitting NYC. Sharks attacking New York from the skies? Now that’s something I totally want to see! I decided to throw a screening party and sent out an email, something to the effect of, “Let’s watch Sharknado 2. Because it’s muthafuckin’ sharks in a tornado, that’s why!” And of course, we needed shark-themed food. Enter the Sharkmelon.

I’d previously seen a Death Star watermelon, so I knew that the watermelon was a highly versatile sculpture medium. Lo and behold, there are plenty of examples of watermelon sharks on the Internet, and with this how-to video guide, I was soon on my way to sculpting the David of sharkmelons.

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First, you start with a watermelon and place it on a relatively flat surface. Usually, the melon has a lighter yellow side where it naturally rests and stays put. Take a large chef’s knife and cut off one end at an angle, so that when the melon sits on that end, it’s tilted.

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Next, cut a wedge out of the other end of the melon. This will form the mouth. Save the rind from this wedge because you’ll use it for a fin later.

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Score a line above and below the open wedge, so that it tapers to the corners of the mouth. Use a paring knife or peeler to cut off the green part of the melon rind. Be sure to leave the white layer behind because this will form your shark’s teeth.

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Hollow out the entire melon, using a melon baller, spoon or whatever else you have on hand. This part is the messiest and most time consuming, and you’ll probably have to wipe down your counter a few times as you scoop out the melon innards.

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After your watermelon is hollowed out, use a paring knife to cut out teeth. I tried to make the center teeth larger and then taper down the teeth in size toward the edges.

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On the back of the melon, you can attach a fin. Cut the rind that you saved from the mouth wedge into a triangle, and shape it so that it lies relatively flush against the watermelon’s curve. Use two toothpicks to attach it to the back of the melon.

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Add eyes to finish the sharkmelon’s face. I attached two blueberries using toothpicks. You can use a paring knife to scrape off some of the rind to create eye sockets. Fill the sharkmelon with fruit (watermelon or a mixture of melon and other berries) and enjoy as you watch film footage of the 7 train getting flooded by sharks!

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Naturally, for a well-balanced meal, we also needed a shark pizza (sharkzza?).

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And a shark cookie (which expanded a bit in the oven and now mostly looks like a cute goldfish).

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Best party mascot ever.

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