How to Carve a Sharkmelon


I always thought it would be an earthquake that would be the end of Los Angeles. Or a meteor shower. Zombies even. Black plague. Aliens. But sharks? Come on!

If you aren’t familiar with Sharknado, it’s the made-for-TV movie about sharks that get caught in a hurricane and rain down terror on an unsuspecting L.A. I’ll be the first to admit this isn’t Citizen Kane, but if you enjoy so-bad-it’s-good movies along the lines of Snakes on a Plane, then you’ll probably like Sharknado. And if you don’t have a fine appreciation for the kind of movie that you drink to, then clearly you have misplaced priorities. 😉

After attaining cult fame and viral popularity, the SyFy channel wisely decided to make a sequel, called Sharknado 2: The Second One. This time, the sharknado would be hitting NYC. Sharks attacking New York from the skies? Now that’s something I totally want to see! I decided to throw a screening party and sent out an email, something to the effect of, “Let’s watch Sharknado 2. Because it’s muthafuckin’ sharks in a tornado, that’s why!” And of course, we needed shark-themed food. Enter the Sharkmelon.

I’d previously seen a Death Star watermelon, so I knew that the watermelon was a highly versatile sculpture medium. Lo and behold, there are plenty of examples of watermelon sharks on the Internet, and with this how-to video guide, I was soon on my way to sculpting the David of sharkmelons.


First, you start with a watermelon and place it on a relatively flat surface. Usually, the melon has a lighter yellow side where it naturally rests and stays put. Take a large chef’s knife and cut off one end at an angle, so that when the melon sits on that end, it’s tilted.


Next, cut a wedge out of the other end of the melon. This will form the mouth. Save the rind from this wedge because you’ll use it for a fin later.


Score a line above and below the open wedge, so that it tapers to the corners of the mouth. Use a paring knife or peeler to cut off the green part of the melon rind. Be sure to leave the white layer behind because this will form your shark’s teeth.


Hollow out the entire melon, using a melon baller, spoon or whatever else you have on hand. This part is the messiest and most time consuming, and you’ll probably have to wipe down your counter a few times as you scoop out the melon innards.


After your watermelon is hollowed out, use a paring knife to cut out teeth. I tried to make the center teeth larger and then taper down the teeth in size toward the edges.


On the back of the melon, you can attach a fin. Cut the rind that you saved from the mouth wedge into a triangle, and shape it so that it lies relatively flush against the watermelon’s curve. Use two toothpicks to attach it to the back of the melon.


Add eyes to finish the sharkmelon’s face. I attached two blueberries using toothpicks. You can use a paring knife to scrape off some of the rind to create eye sockets. Fill the sharkmelon with fruit (watermelon or a mixture of melon and other berries) and enjoy as you watch film footage of the 7 train getting flooded by sharks!


Naturally, for a well-balanced meal, we also needed a shark pizza (sharkzza?).


And a shark cookie (which expanded a bit in the oven and now mostly looks like a cute goldfish).


Best party mascot ever.

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